Self-care has been sold to us as something soft. Candles. Baths. A mani-pedi. A massage. And those are all nice. But the self-care boundaries that change your life aren’t found in a skincare aisle. They’re found in the moments you say no, stop apologizing, and protect your energy like it matters. Because it does.

Draw the line

Who or what are you unwillingly giving your energy to?
Or willingly, but not wantingly?

Are you thinking no and nodding yes?

Time to draw a line.
Quietly. Unapologetically.

You don’t need to announce it.
“I would say yes but I’ve drawn a line.”

You need to live it.
A simple no thank you to the things draining your energy.

An invisible line created and tightly held.

5 ways to practice real self-care today

1) Say no without offering a dissertation.
Or even an excuse. You don’t need to explain why you don’t want to do something. A simple no thank you is enough.

2) Stop apologizing.
You don’t need to cushion your opinion. You don’t need to apologize for hitting a ball wrong on the pickleball court. Or maneuvering around another human in the grocery store. Take up space and stop apologizing for it.

3) Go to bed before you’re exhausted.
Getting into bed is my most favorite form of self-care. I don’t collapse into bed, I saunter in with swagger.

You know what else I do? I watch a show on my phone every single night. I don’t care what people say about phones in my bed. It makes me happy and I’m not going to apologize for it.

4) Leave one (or three) things undone.
If you have to rewash the load of laundry on occasion, you do. You can’t get to everything and sometimes you just have to saunter to bed.

Your nervous system depends on it.

5) Let the text sit.
Remember back in the day when a phone rang and no one answered it? You didn’t even know someone had called unless you ran into them and they told you, or they called again and you were home.

Remember convincing yourself he called, you just weren’t there?

Now people text you and we feel like we have to respond immediately or baby bunnies will suffer.

Leave it. Nothing will happen. Just ask your kids.

Bonus: two boundary practices that change everything

Two of the most important ways I draw the line are:

1) Don’t manage someone else’s mood.
Their mood is not your responsibility. Listen and nod or give them a big hug. Then cut the cord and get back to yourself. Let them feel what they feel.

(And maybe share this post with them.)

2) Cancel something you said yes to when you wanted to say no.
You know what it is because you can’t stop thinking about how much you wish you had said no. It’s not too late.

There will be no judgment in the afterlife for your choosing to opt out.

If you’re feeling depleted, it’s not a sign you need more “treat yourself.” It’s a sign you need self-care boundaries. One small no can be the beginning of feeling like yourself again.